But really, volleyball has sucked lately and usually leaves me in a worse mood than the one I started with which is the opposite of what I want. I want to play and have fun and also get a good workout in, that's not so much to ask, is it?!?
There are a few reasons why volleyball has had the suck factor lately. The first, and biggest, is the fact that I'm playing below my skill level. My team is just not working hard enough and it's because they just don't have the skill set to do so. Which leads into the second, and just as large, frankly, problem: my anger or rage if you will.
I used to blame my anger issues on the fact that my entire family is hot headed, like that made it okay. Stupid, right? Since living on my own and getting married my temper has calmed a lot and I've even gotten a tattoo right on my wrist to help calm me in times of great rage. So I'm not a hopeless case, I have gotten markedly better; but lately volleyball has been getting under my skin and undoing all the work I've done these past few years. I'm not proud of my anger and I know the negative effects it has on myself and everyone around me, not to mention my relationship with my husband and my physical body as well. That's what's annoying about this whole thing, I know what my problem is and I even know how to [temporarily] fix it, but in the heat of the moment I am unstoppable.
With all of this being said I am using you, my few readers, as a source of accountability. I am getting help. I will not let my family's anger control my life anymore. I will no longer be known as Rage Sage. I will get well and be happy. I will have fun again. As you as my witness, I will overcome.
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