Home

Wow. I cannot believe I've been home from SEA and sea for over two months now. Almost as long as I was gone. Time sure is weird though, because my time with SEA feels like it lasted a lifetime. Honestly, looking back it feels like I was living a different life, or like it was a dream. It's weird to think about, but I can't say I don't miss it. Because I do. A lot. Especially being back in 'regular' school now, nothing quite compares to learning whilst aboard a sailing vessel. My classmates can back me up on this.

 When I was on the boat I was complaining constantly, especially toward the end. My classmates can back me up on this too. At first I was sick, so I was miserable. Then I was cold, so I was miserable. Then I was hot, so I was miserable. Then came sleep deprivation, followed by the stress of performing [failed] research while on a ship, followed by writing a paper about said research, followed by the fact that I was cut off from my husband and sweet baby-dogs for 5 weeks. Add all that up and I was miserable. But, as with most stories, there are two sides.

To this sad story there is the happy side. The one about the girl who couldn't wait to depart from the dock, only to hit open ocean (which would make her sick). About the girl who so badly wanted to start her watch rotation even when they were telling her to get a good nights rest because it would be the last one for 5 weeks. About the girl who experienced the warm breeze of the Gulf Stream as she was on the helm, steering the ship and frozen to the bone. About the girl who was overly ambitious to start her extremely complex science project involving plastic nanobead ingestion by copepods. And about the girl who could feel herself getting stronger and more confident with each passing day.

But here's the stupid part though, and my biggest internal flaw: I can never seem to be happy in the moment. I said to my dear friend Zoe when we were both sick and hanging over the leeward rail, about to puke our guts out. I said, "If I had a ticket home right now, I would take it. Hands down, no questions asked." And I wasn't lying. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be sick. I wanted to be home with my family. Home, warm and not on a flipping boat. She looked at me and said, "Not me. I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else. I know that this is going to be one of the greatest experiences of my life." She said this to me, with a green face. Sicker than me she could still see this opportunity for what it was; an opportunity to sail on the open seas and perform important scientific research and to learn and to create friendships which will last a lifetime. She is wiser than I will ever be (and much more beautiful too. Love you Zoe!)

That interaction will stay with me forever and whenever I feel myself being a whiny bitch I will think back to that moment and I will strive to cherish the moment I am in right then and there.

SEA has done more for me than I ever thought imaginable. It's more than words can describe. But I hope to let you all in on a little bit of those memories, ever so slowly, and through this blog.