An overwhelming desire to sing

Ever since I went out a few weeks ago and sang karaoke I haven't been able to get my mind off of it. I've always loved to sing, and since I drive so much I have ample time to perform, for myself that is. But lately, it's just not enough. More and more I get the insatiable urge to go sing, to perform in front of others and I'm worried that if I don't quench these urges then I will regret them for the rest of my life. And that's a big deal. 

To remedy this I've been out two more times, both times singing, just one song due to wait times. The first time I was pretty drunk and even though I sang well (Beyonce's "Listen") and was complimented, I needed to know that I could sing sober too. And that's what I did last night. 

I went to a local gay bar and put in my name for the queue. I had to wait about 20 minutes but finally my name was called. I was excited but oh so nervous and it made my body sort of freeze. My voice, however, was on point and I sang my heart out. Sure, it was worse than when I'm alone, sitting in my car but that's to be expected. Sure, my legs almost gave out from being so nervous and I looked like a weirdo, as I just stood there, gently rocking back and forth, fidgeting with whatever I could get my hands on. But the point is that I did it. I sang Carrie Underwood's "Last Name" completely sober in front of a crowd, at a gay bar. I was applauded, complimented and cheered; and it felt so good. Am I celebrity material? No. Will I get famous? Probably not. Did I have fun doing something I love? Fuck yeah. And that's what matters to me. 

Stay tuned because as soon as I figure out how to play music from my phone and use the record feature on my camera, I will be posting videos on my blog of me singing in the car. I've overcome my fear and I really want to hear what people have to say; even the assholes. 

Much love to all my followers and regular readers. Please share my blog and comment below! 

That's it. I'm done.

With sweets that is. Oh and cheese too. Now I know those aren't the only two reasons for my weight gain, but darn it, they're not helping. Before leaving for SEA I weighed an unhealthy 240 lbs and when I got back I was a slightly healthier 217 lbs, quite a drop. But since I've been back I've gain back more than half of what I lost and I've had it, I'm done gaining, it's time to lose. 

My plan is to give up sweets entirely, no moderation about it, I'm going cold turkey. I know I can do it, and my friends from SEA (at least those in B house) know I can do it too, even in the face of extreme temptation, such as a never-ending bowl of Halloween candy...so it's time, once again to give up the stuff. I just can't eat a few pieces of candy or just a little bit of homemade peanut butter cookie dough, it's all or nothing with me and I know myself too well to try the moderation game. 

So you might be wondering, umm, you mentioned cheese too...yeah, I eat a lot of cheese. I'm a vegetarian, so what, you wanna fight about? No? Me either. Basically I eat too much cheese and I need to cut down, and drastically. I don't think this will be too hard as my husband is vegan and so once I'm out of cheese I just won't buy it again. We'll see just how "easy" it actually is though...my biggest cheese addiction is nachos. They are probably my favorite food and I usually eat them in the most unhealthy way: lots of chips, lots of cheese and a bit of salsa on top. Sometimes I get fancy but not too often. This meal is easy and delicious and is the biggest reason why I eat so much of it, but that's the problem, I tend to over-eat when I have nachos, one of the biggest diet faux pas. 

All in all what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to need your help. This isn't going to be easy, especially in the beginning and especially at work where I'm surrounded by candy. All. Day. Long. I'm going to begin to rely on this blog as a food diary of sorts, or at least that's the plan. I hope to get words or stories of encouragement, tips, tricks, friendly advice, etc. I'm counting on you all and let me tell you, I need all the help I can get. So please, share my blog post on Facebook, Twitter, the general interwebs. I would appreciate it so much! Love you guys! 

State of the Game

The game being volleyball; and the state being terrible. 

But really, volleyball has sucked lately and usually leaves me in a worse mood than the one I started with which is the opposite of what I want. I want to play and have fun and also get a good workout in, that's not so much to ask, is it?!? 

There are a few reasons why volleyball has had the suck factor lately. The first, and biggest, is the fact that I'm playing below my skill level. My team is just not working hard enough and it's because they just don't have the skill set to do so. Which leads into the second, and just as large, frankly, problem: my anger or rage if you will. 

I used to blame my anger issues on the fact that my entire family is hot headed, like that made it okay. Stupid, right? Since living on my own and getting married my temper has calmed a lot and I've even gotten a tattoo right on my wrist to help calm me in times of great rage. So I'm not a hopeless case, I have gotten markedly better; but lately volleyball has been getting under my skin and undoing all the work I've done these past few years. I'm not proud of my anger and I know the negative effects it has on myself and everyone around me, not to mention my relationship with my husband and my physical body as well. That's what's annoying about this whole thing, I know what my problem is and I even know how to [temporarily] fix it, but in the heat of the moment I am unstoppable. 

With all of this being said I am using you, my few readers, as a source of accountability. I am getting help. I will not let my family's anger control my life anymore. I will no longer be known as Rage Sage. I will get well and be happy. I will have fun again. As you as my witness, I will overcome. 

I'm giving it a week.

It's been almost three days since I've last washed my hair and let me tell you, I've almost had enough. My hair feels gross; so heavy, oily and thick (but not in a good way). I'm doing all I can to keep my head up and stick with it. So I've decided: I'm giving it a week. If I don't see some sort of improvement by this Thursday I'm using the good stuff, the Dove shampoo and conditioner I have waiting on the sidelines, yearning to be used. Haha, but really, I don't know if I can take this. 

I'm sure it's super healthy for you and whatnot but what has shampoo and conditioner ever actually done? And I'm talking about the good stuff, not the cheap crap that could make your hair fall out (hopefully nothing like that actually exists). It's definitely something worth looking in to...maybe a later post...

Either way I've about had it. This might work for some but I don't think it's right for me. Especially with all the exercising (volleyball) I do. Right now my hair sucks. Hopefully it will get better but if not, I will have lovely, nice smelling hair come Thursday night. 

My adventures in no poo...

It's almost been two weeks since I've stopped using 'traditional' shampoo [and conditioner] and I'll be honest, it has not been the easiest. Sometimes you just want to use the regular stuff and have hair that smells wonderful, and it's easier but I tell myself, "NO! Just stick with it!" That has to be one of my biggest problems, quitting when the going gets tough. I'm a quitter, there, I said it.

But today I took yet another no poo shower and afterwards my hair feels normal, light and clean. It's just a reminder that using baking soda and vinegar works just as well as Dove. Well, maybe that's a stretch, but it works almost as good, haha! I am getting kind of scared though, because Thursday is my last day of 'normal' washing before just using water for 4-5 weeks! It just sounds so gross! I don't know if I'll be able to do it, but I'm going to try. My husband is doing it with me too, so that should help a lot. I will say that I am noticing certain things about my hair. It feels softer and I'm getting more ringlet curls that ever before. But it tangles so easy! Such an issue with curly hair. Also, since I play volleyball so much my hair gets gross pretty fast. I find that I have to take a shower the night of playing volleyball [after, of course] or else my hair the next day is downright disgusting. It looks alright, but the back is a tangled mess!

Okay, so it doesn't look perfect [or even close to it, ha!] but it feels great and I can style it to look decent. This picture below I actually used product for my tips and they ended up being the frizzy mess you see there! The top is just natural curl! So crazy. I haven't tried using a curling iron, or wand yet, but I may in the future (if I can get up early enough!)

 This little ringlet is natural! I couldn't believe it myself!!

If you're interested I think you should try it. Obviously it won't work for everyone, but it's pretty cool and really inexpensive too! And, if you end up not doing it you have baking soda and vinegar, things everyone uses! Oh and vinegar has many, many uses. Like these!

If you're truly interested check out this site. It's the best and the one I use. She also has another post three years after using the no poo method! Check it out!

No Poo Movement

I'm not the first person, nor will I be the last, to write a blog post about the No Poo Movement. If you haven't heard about it, let me enlighten you.

Despite the title, it has nothing to do with actual poo. Rather it's talking about shampoo, or the lack thereof. The movement is about not using commercial shampoo [and conditioner] and instead using baking soda and apple cider vinegar if you do condition your hair, which you should. What?!?! But that's crazy talk!! I can't not use shampoo and conditioner!! Those were my reactions and I was the one who decided to do this! Let me tell you, it's weird not using the store-bought-stuff but now, after taking two showers without, I'll be hard pressed to go back.

Beside the obvious, there are a few differences when using baking soda and vinegar. The first being that neither of these lather. This kind of sucks... there's no reassuring lather to tell you it's working. Instead the baking soda makes your hair feel grainy and dry while the vinegar feels like nothing at all, but you can smell it, so there's that...I guess... The magic happens when you rinse out the vinegar. You hair feels smooth and silky, just like it does when using the 'real' stuff. Then I thought, "okay, it feels good now, but it's going to be a bear to brush (I have super curly hair, prone to tangling). Nope! I wrapped my hair in a towel, as I always do, and waited <10 minutes before brushing, again, what I always do. My hair was surprisingly easy to brush and manage. It didn't look or feel any different either, which was surprising.

My next step in my post-shower routine is to apply argan oil. This stuff is amazing and if you don't use it, go flipping get some. Not only does it smell ah-mazing, but it also makes your hair super silky soft and gives a beautiful luster. Then I let my hair air dry, it's jut easiest. The first time I didn't apply any mousse or curling agent and my hair looked pretty good; a little frizzy, but that's normal.

Today I took a shower again, using this same method and routine, but I added mousse to my hair after the argan oil. I've added some pictures to show you that my hair doesn't look gross. Haha! It doesn't look amazing, by any means, but again, that's normal for me. I, like most people I suspect, have my good days and my 'meh' days; today is a meh day. Oh and be nice, because I also don't have any makeup on (four consecutive snow days = no makeup or bra, although I do have one of those blasted things on, just for you guys).

A lot [all] of these photos are similar and that makes sense as I took them at the same time. If you think my hair looks normal and you'd like to try the No Poo Movement for yourself which has many benefits including major monetary savings as well as being environmentally friendly, then check out how I do it below. Or you can type it into Google and check out all the countless others who use it too.

I don't have a container yet, so I've been using a measuring cup, the plastic kind with a spout. I add one tablespoon of baking soda to one cup of warm shower water. This is the 'shampoo' part. If you do it right your hair will feel sort of smooth, that is, if you distribute the mixture evenly. Now leave this on for a few minutes (1-3) before you rinse. The next step is to add one teaspoon of apple cider vinegar to one cup of warm shower water. Now, before I go on, it's super important that you use apple cider vinegar and not white distilled vinegar or else your hair will stink of vinegar even after you rinse. Pour this mixture over your hair just like you did with the baking soda mixture. I like to dip the ends of my hair into the mix first, then pour the rest on my head and massage into my scalp, just a little trick! Let this sit for another few minutes before rinsing. If you didn't add too much vinegar then your hair will not smell, but no promises.

The amounts above are perfect for my hair length, which should be obvious from the photos. I might even use a tad bit more next time. So, if you have shorter or longer hair, please adjust accordingly!

Overall, I'm very happy with this method and I intend on using it for awhile. So far my hair feels great and it's reacting well. That's not to say everyone's will, and some might experience more oil than others as their hair adjusts to the change. But stick with it! Nothing truly good comes easy.

And So It Begins: A [very] Brief Look at my Thesis

This might not be a super exciting blog post to many of you, but I am too damn excited to care! I just bought the first materials for my thesis work and my first outing is this Saturday. But before I am run away with my emotions, let me explain what exactly I'll be doing.

Remember this blog post?
http://sharkysauge.blogspot.com/2013/03/marine-plastic-post-about-raising.html

Yeah...I didn't think so. It wasn't very popular because, well, let's be honest, it was boring. It wasn't about saving the whales or global warming or even the 'island of plastic in the Pacific' (which isn't a thing, btdubs). it was about the little-itty-bitty plastic pieces you find along the high tide line, kinda like in the picture below. (Exactly like in the picture below.)



Well folks, I'm sorry that I'm not sorry, but this is what I'm interested in. Plastics. Micro- and meso-plastics that is. Roughly translated, small flipping plastic pieces! This is what I'm doing my thesis research on. Here's a full explanation.

To start I will tell you that I had planned on using my SEA research for my thesis, but seeing as how that research completely bombed, I switched gears to something else I was deeply interested but was a whole heck-of-a-lot easier to do. Basically I am going to visit 7 different [popular] beaches on 7 different occasions and collect small plastic pieces out of the high tide line. Then I'm going to stare really hard at these plastic pieces until they tell me everything they know. Things like how big they are, what color they are, what type of plastic they are, etc. I'm going to science the crap out of those pieces and see if there are any correlations. Which, who knows? There just might be. Any data is good data.

There are a couple good things about this research that I'm also super stoked about. 1) It's easy to do and doesn't involved living creatures, which can be a pain. 2) I can continue this research long after my thesis 'ends'. 3) It's easy to teach and easy to understand, which is why I'm going to popular beaches; maybe someone will see me... 4) It's important. Marine debris, and plastic in particular is a big deal and we have yet to discover what it's actually doing in the aquatic environment. 5) It's basically community service, and I am more than happy to help.

My first trip is scheduled for Saturday February 1st and I will be hitting
1) Seaside
2) Cannon Beach
3) Rockaway Beach
4) Pacific City
5) Lincoln City
6) Depoe Bay
7) Newport
before heading back home to Dallas.

Like I said, I'm very excited and I'll be sure to give y'all an update on Sunday sometime!

p.s.--Thanks for all the love everyone. It's exciting to know people actually read your blog and follow you! Make sure to "officially" follow me if you have a Google+ account!

Random thoughts of a girl who's trying to sleep

Since I've been back a lot of people have asked me how my trip was. Some were truly interested, but most were not, and only asked to be polite. So, soon after I start telling them, they lose interest. I can't say I blame them as very few people can truly live vicariously through others, I know I can't. It's hard to hear about someone's amazing experiences, especially when you might feel like you haven't done nearly enough with your life. I'm here to tell you, "Who cares?" Who cares about what you have or haven't or have yet to do. If you are happy with yourself at the end of the day then you are better off than a lot of people, and if you aren't, change what you are doing. Do something you love, no matter how small. But please, for the love of whatever god you believe in, don't ask somebody about their experiences if you're not truly interested. And I can't stress the word truly enough. It's not fair to the person who's taking the time to share something with you and it just makes them feel like crap. 

Home

Wow. I cannot believe I've been home from SEA and sea for over two months now. Almost as long as I was gone. Time sure is weird though, because my time with SEA feels like it lasted a lifetime. Honestly, looking back it feels like I was living a different life, or like it was a dream. It's weird to think about, but I can't say I don't miss it. Because I do. A lot. Especially being back in 'regular' school now, nothing quite compares to learning whilst aboard a sailing vessel. My classmates can back me up on this.

 When I was on the boat I was complaining constantly, especially toward the end. My classmates can back me up on this too. At first I was sick, so I was miserable. Then I was cold, so I was miserable. Then I was hot, so I was miserable. Then came sleep deprivation, followed by the stress of performing [failed] research while on a ship, followed by writing a paper about said research, followed by the fact that I was cut off from my husband and sweet baby-dogs for 5 weeks. Add all that up and I was miserable. But, as with most stories, there are two sides.

To this sad story there is the happy side. The one about the girl who couldn't wait to depart from the dock, only to hit open ocean (which would make her sick). About the girl who so badly wanted to start her watch rotation even when they were telling her to get a good nights rest because it would be the last one for 5 weeks. About the girl who experienced the warm breeze of the Gulf Stream as she was on the helm, steering the ship and frozen to the bone. About the girl who was overly ambitious to start her extremely complex science project involving plastic nanobead ingestion by copepods. And about the girl who could feel herself getting stronger and more confident with each passing day.

But here's the stupid part though, and my biggest internal flaw: I can never seem to be happy in the moment. I said to my dear friend Zoe when we were both sick and hanging over the leeward rail, about to puke our guts out. I said, "If I had a ticket home right now, I would take it. Hands down, no questions asked." And I wasn't lying. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be sick. I wanted to be home with my family. Home, warm and not on a flipping boat. She looked at me and said, "Not me. I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else. I know that this is going to be one of the greatest experiences of my life." She said this to me, with a green face. Sicker than me she could still see this opportunity for what it was; an opportunity to sail on the open seas and perform important scientific research and to learn and to create friendships which will last a lifetime. She is wiser than I will ever be (and much more beautiful too. Love you Zoe!)

That interaction will stay with me forever and whenever I feel myself being a whiny bitch I will think back to that moment and I will strive to cherish the moment I am in right then and there.

SEA has done more for me than I ever thought imaginable. It's more than words can describe. But I hope to let you all in on a little bit of those memories, ever so slowly, and through this blog.

Bequia

This is my second and last day in Bequia, the biggest of the Grenadine islands, and it's a spectacular one. 

We have walked all over Bequia, crossing the island until we found this beautiful oasis. Firefly, or Spring, Plantation is a hotel/bar/pool which is open to the public (tourists). I am exhausted but so excited and with 10 days left in my trip I couldn't be more ready to be home. 

Look out for an intense blog post coming your way soon about all of my adventures while aboard the Corwith Cramer. I for one have a hot Skype date with my amazing husband! Bye for now!