Today I made an active effort to be happy despite my shitty morning, I really did. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't get past certain things. Things like the job offer I missed out on, having to park over a mile from campus, paying over $5.00 for a small coffee and pastry. Little, insignificant things that don't up add to much in the grand scheme of life. Even going to my favorite class and knowing that as soon as its over I get to play volleyball wasn't enough today, and that's when you know something's wrong for sure. When I'm not overly excited to play volleyball, call the doctor. For real.
All I could think of on my drive from Corvallis to Salem was how, for lack of a better word, insignificant everything was. I don't know...maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, but nothing can satisfy me today.
There's no upside to this post, no glimmer of positivity, only despair and nothingness. Today I am truly unhappy. But even now, as I write this post, as I wrote that last sentence a word popped in my head. A word which has been haunting me for weeks now. UNGRATEFUL. I can't help my feelings and I truly tried today to change my attitude...nothing could be done. I guess I am just weak today and I'll have to hope for something better tomorrow. Maybe I'm tired. But I really just feel unfulfilled. I feel I am not doing enough...I feel complacent. Honestly, right now I don't know what I can do to change these feelings, to cheer up.
I'm always open to suggestions, even if those include "stop whining".
Sorry this post was such a bummer but I just felt as though I needed to share my thoughts with someone and lately I haven't had the easiest of times doing so verbally. Looking forward to maybe getting some comments. Come on...don't be shy.
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