Twitter, and other news...

So I've officially joined Twitter...and I kind of like it. It's not so annoying as I once thought it was and I find myself checking it frequently...like every couple of minutes. #sort of addicted

In other news...

I am super excited for today, if not only for volleyball tonight I also get to go shopping in a couple of hours! I'm only 'allowed' to get business-casual pieces for my interview tomorrow but that's not to say I can't look around a bit! Gonzalo and I have been so friggin' broke lately I haven't been able to buy anything we didn't absolutely need. But now that winter term has started and we got our financial aid reimbursements we're living a little more comfortably. This doesn't mean we can go ape shit crazy and buy everything we've been pining for these past months, but it does mean we can treat ourselves every so often; especially if it's the difference between me getting a job or not.

It's really hard to get a job right now, and I mean really, really hard. Maybe it's me, but I've applied to over 30 places and I've only been called back three times, all of which were seasonal positions. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. Am I just the worst possible choice that companies would deliberately not hire me, not even give me a chance? No. I don't think that's it and I don't think my past employers are torpedoing me either. I think it's my mannerisms, my appearance, my self-confidence level (or lack thereof) that's turning these companies off. I mean I'm fidgety, nervous, sweaty and shy when I go to interviews. Hell, I wouldn't hire me! It's something I desperately need to work on in all aspects of my life; being more outgoing and vulnerable. Because I am a fun person, pretty dang funny too, but I let what people think about me stop me from truly being happy or being myself.

For example, I love to sing and although I'm not saying I could do it for a living, I don't think I suck too badly at it. But I am not able to sing in front of anyone, let alone an entire audience. My boyfriend of almost seven years hasn't even heard me sing, at least not to the capacity I am capable of, say when I'm driving to school or elsewhere. I really wish I could, but I am just too scared of what people would say. The problem is, I only focus on the potential negative comments like "you suck" or "don't quit your day job". I don't even think about the positive comments I may in fact receive because I don't take the risk of putting myself out there. And in this day and age it's extremely easy to do it too! Have you heard of YouTube!?!? But it's all for naught, at least right now. There are just too many things about myself that I dislike or want to change about myself and until I check some of those things off the list, I won't be able to help myself in other ways.

Pretty depressing, huh? But that's where I'm at right now. Hopefully soon I'll be able to make my debut, maybe even here, on my blog. I'll think about it...but you have to promise to be nice!